I quit my day job. They called it job abandonment, I call it abandoning a sinking ship. Not that I’m qualified to predict the success of a business, but I doubt they’ll be around much longer. At least not under its current ownership. But I’m not writing a post about them.

Part of me insists the best course of action is to not do the things I’ve done in this blog. Instead of frantically engaging myself in one night labor stands from Craigslist, and spraying the town’s indeed openings with a thousand copies of my resume, I ought to try something else. Panic and fear created this blog. Financial uncertainty and stress paired with ignorance and immaturity built the alcohol-fueled machine which pushed the stone as far as it could go. The stone has since rolled back and hit rock bottom. Why repeat myself?

I’m faced with two conflicting ideologies. Use the law of attraction: don’t chase my tail in efforts to catch it only to wind up exhausted rather-allow my tail to come to me and catch it when it comes.
On the other side, If I want it, I must earn it. The job, the stability, the career whatever it is, will not be handed to me. I must work for it.

This whole, “working a job” thing really isn’t working out for me. I’m not good at it. I have to have something really binding me like a court order to keep me in line. Time and time again when I have colored in the lines it changed nothing for me internally. I didn’t lose weight, following the rules didn’t lengthen the size of my penis, I wasn’t loved by everybody, and I didn’t make any more money. At least there’s a thrill in breaking the rules. I recreated these little thrills on a decade long chase for some feeling of satisfaction. It takes a great deal of convincing for me to believe that an existence where I make no waves, leave an impression stronger than memorable, and stay out of the legal system is a good life.

I find it harder to accept the hoops our society has for us to advance up the ladder, do not entitle nor guarantee us to anything beyond the cost of obtaining the certification, degree, or title.

I might finally be mad enough to start working for myself.