As the superpowers of youth fade away, the flow of of life becomes more comfortable. I’m less surprised by its chaotic nature, and more adaptable to it. Despite my newfound comfortability, things sometimes catch me off guard.

My current job, for instance, a coworker threatened me this morning.
7:01AM – Coworker: “Are you on the clock?”
Me: [sarcastically] “No.”
Coworker: “All you need to know is these cars outside belong to the guests.”
Me: “Late arrivals?”
Coworker: “If you ever talk to me that way again I will fuck you up. I am not playing with you. I’m not playing with you, I will fuck you up. Okay?”
He slams the door on his way out.

---

In my professional experience, I don’t think I’ve been physically threatened before. I’ve been employed here for over five months. I may still have something to prove by staying here. Perhaps its a form of penance? Maybe desperation.
Regardless of how I’m treated, can I show up and keep fighting? My past as a serial job loser is a reflection on me. At a certain point, my facade of superiority over a broken system crumbles. I appear immature and something of an unaccountable loser.
No job is so bad for me to have made such dramatic exits, one could argue even writing this blog is a step too far.

Is this threat the excuse I’ve been looking for?

My old self says, “In twenty years what’s it going to matter? Leave.”

External factors in consideration:
Court date: “I work full time at this place since last November” will hit the judge’s ears with more favor than, “I’m a freelancer.”
School: Eight more weeks. If I leave my current position, full time employment may not be feasible until school is officially over.
Taxes: One or two W-2s offer a deeper peace of mind than the nightmare I’ve created over the years.
Location: I live close to work. There’s barely a commute.

For weeks I’ve justified my staying here with, “it’s not not working.” In eight weeks, I can quit. Get through court, finish school. Everyone thinks their load is the heaviest.

Reasons to quit:

Treatment: From day one, at least one employee has been extremely rude to me. I have routinely asserted myself for treatment with basic civility and professionalism.

Inconsistent Pay Schedule: We get paid every two weeks, except when we don’t. One week, I received half of my check. One of the managers sent me the other half electronically under the stipulation I paid her back when the remainder of the check posted. This is also a pay cut from previous positions.

The Work Schedule: Three shifts: 7am-3pm, 3pm-11pm, 11-7am. I can’t find a way to make extra money with this schedule.
The turnover rate here is high. Shifts often change at a moment’s notice. The schedule is not published until days before the following week. Planning is rendered impossible.

Hands-off management: We operated for three months with no General Manager. One has now been appointed, and they do no more than occupy a chair and draw a check.

---

“If it’s so bad, why have you stayed this long?”
Fringe benefits.

I’ve gotten anything from a date to a $100 tip in the past.
At one point we had free wifi and an unhealthy amount of downtime which allowed me to write these posts and do homework.
Most importantly, the job allowed me to show up hungover, high, drunk, and as long as I did my job and there were no incidents or complaints, no harm no foul.

Yes, I’ve pulled all my old tricks. I broke just about every rule from stealing food to stealing rooms, and I’ve gotten away with it.
Old habits die hard.

In the past, the inner narrative liked to say, “Oh they don’t think you have the balls to quit.” As if quitting a job were an act of bravery. Bravery and foolishness can be strange bedfellows, at times mistakable for one another.

In one light, if I quit this job it will put the fire under my feet to figure things out. Unfortunately, panicked states have not led to anywhere beyond band-aids on deep wounds.

---