I left a considerable amount of places in worse shape than I found them. As a younger man, the consequences didn’t occur to me.
I’d like to imagine there is a reason I didn’t get caught. I’ve had many close calls, but no disaster entirely caused by me has been too big to call the law.

On some level, I possessed and abused the knowledge of, I can break the law at work, and there is a 99% chance that I won’t go to jail for it.
I still have to live with what I’ve done. The selfishness and self-seeking attitudes masked by politeness and a smile with a uniform on brings a great deal of shame.

Although I had fun in the moment, countless times I was torn between my personal safety vs. my endless need for money. Seldom I considered allegiance to a company.
If I didn’t respect the job, I was quick to undercut, undermine, and do things my way. Not the right way.
My substance use only distorted how I viewed my coworkers and superiors: as enemies in a game of chess.

For example, I was going to be out of town for a week at a job. I was told to put in a time off request which the company denied. In my world, I don’t make requests. I’m telling you I’m not going to be here these days.
During the week, I called out of work 3 hours earlier than my scheduled time each individual day. I drove back to work with just enough time to change into my uniform. I eventually did tell my supervisor the truth, but he was a bit of a hustler too, and he gave me the “game recognize game” nod.

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I am fully convinced that I am not the only person who has stories like these. I would be willing to bet there are thousands of people with even wilder stories than me, at much tamer jobs than these.

To any employer reading this, please ensure you have the respect of your employees or they will do you like this.

I’m hoping some of my fellow crazy fuckers read this and know that you’re not alone.

I’m hoping that the unassuming public reads this and starts to look at their average every day counter worker with a little more skepticism.

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I do have a conflict with the “always go above and beyond at work” grift.

At the retirement home, I stayed almost two hours after my shift to taxi an old lady around because she asked me to. Obviously the conflict was, “That’s not my job” and “I’m off the clock” but something in me couldn’t do it.
I’ve helped jump start cars, give rides to coworkers, deliver food when the restaurant doesn’t have a delivery service, and even been a first responder a time or two. Younger me didn’t see the value or the skills I was building. These days I get excited for an opportunity to make such an impact, So what did I learn? What changed?

Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. Fuck the system. Burn it down. Anarchy.

Just kidding.

I’ve always felt where my parents failed, these conglomeration of jobs were burdened to pick up the slack. I had to burn some bridges, crack some eggs, make some mistakes at the expense of other people.
Sure, I learned a lot of “on the job” practical things like CPR, ladder safety and OSHA stuff, how to cook, clean, FIFO, customer service, point of sale systems, how to drive large passenger vehicles, how to operate a forklift etcetera. But that’s all of little value to me.

I’ve learned about human behavior. So much of what drove me during whatever shift I was on, was my compassion for the customer. I generally liked the people I served. I would do whatever I could to connect with customers, learning about people and their behaviors. What caused people to be regulars at that place of work, what do they like/dislike about living in whatever city they were in. I noticed a lot of patterns, and because of the amount of people I’ve interacted with- I’ve picked up the skills of reading people.
I road tested my skills as a bartender, and what I made in tips proved me right. I also learned about my shadow self- of which I was previously unaware.
I was always drinking on the job. Being around liquor, I wouldn’t stop. I snuck liquor into the kitchens I worked in, ] I got caught huffing the nitrous out of a whipped cream can in one place, I could not keep an active mind through these situations. These days I no longer have such convictions.

I accept the terms and conditions of employment

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One time for court-mandated community service: I knew a family who adopted a road and promised to be generous with filling out my hour sheet. I meet up with this guy and his wife’s sister. He was desperately trying to marry off his wife’s sister so that she could stay in the country. They were Serbian and I’m not sure how directly relevant that is to what happened next but I believe it is to some degree.

Before we picked up the first morsel of litter I was warned, “If you come across any little paper bags, do not pick them up. Whatever you do, do not open them. Witch doctors cut the heads off chickens and throw them out the side of the road.” I laughed. Not one hour later, I found a small paper bag on the side of the road. I had to open it. I had no choice. I was expecting a flask or a liquor bottle. Nope.

Voodoo doll.

A burlap homemade voodoo doll. I told the guy about it and he thought I was joking. I showed him the bag, and he responded with, “That’s a fucking voodoo doll!” I never saw them again after that day. They may have been fully convinced that I was cursed.