-Dream 2 interruption-

One of the more impactful dreams I had was when I first attempted sobriety. I was lying on my futon in my living room in an extremely deep sleep. I remember being in another place and feeling at peace. The “other” place was similar to walking on a still comet in outer space. I was with another being. I don’t remember what we said or what we did, but what I do remember was when I woke up it was a chore. I felt like I was physically fighting to return back into my body, and I was resisting it as hard as I could.

I did not want to wake up, I wanted to stay.

The true gift from the dream was I had lost the fear of death.

I am not claiming to have died, only that I no longer have the fear of death. It’s not my time yet. There’s some reason I’m still here. What that reason is I can only speculate.

Many a days throughout my drug use and drinking, I woke up angry that I was still alive. Consciousness between blackouts with no sight past the end of the next cigarette.

Sometimes I would only wake up to go to work the next day. A consequence of working nights for as long as I did was my sense of time was completely shattered.

Days of the week are meaningless to me, time of day only effects what I can and can’t consume.

The day of this dream was the first time I woke up without any bitterness or anger about my situation. The day of this dream I woke up with a purpose and a sense of relief. So much of my inspiration in the past was to create something in case I die. I know now that I won’t be dying any time soon, and when I do die, I will have fulfilled that purpose.